8.22.2012

The TANT Script: Reviewed [Taken Down]


I know what you're thinking: "Hey, isn't there supposed to be a review of the leaked Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles reboot script on this blog?"

You'd be right. However, because of certain "legal" reasons, the script and the review are no longer here. You missed out. And if you didn't miss out, and you're just coming back because you're a glutton for punishment, then I feel sorry for you.

If you want details on the how, the what and the why, read all about it here. It's a tale of embarrassment, legality, and pissedoffedness about mediocrity.

33 comments:

  1. Oh, my God.... my worst fears have played out. Better NO TMNT movie than anything CLOSE to THAT TMNT movie.

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  2. Um, I will read this as soon as I can, but I have to know. Is Splinter in this at ALL? http://www.facebook.com/#!/TheNinjaTurtlesAreNotAliens

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    1. Yes.

      I don't advise reading the script if you want to keep your sanity.

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  3. How old is this copy? I was under the impression that the script was being rewritten due to problems.

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  4. This just makes me appreciate how the first TMNT movie was handled in a mature, dignified fashion. It had a few pop culture references and some humour, but by and large dealt with some very serious, themes in a realistic way. Death, anger, peer pressure, gang violence, loyalty, and the true definition of family (to name a few). It's a great movie that holds up today. Why can't we have movies like that anymore? :(

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  5. Micheal Bay is worse than Saddam, I guess

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  6. Wow. Clicking on the images just to see what it's saying is soooo much fun.

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  7. Wow, just the with language in the script...OH MY GOD!
    Really, Michael Bay? REALLY?!

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  8. It's fake, and if you don't think it's fake, your IQ is inferior to that of Skids and Mudflap.

    The writer of this so-called script just runs on the same inane logic that every movie Michael Bay has ever and will ever make is gonna be just like the butthurt viewpoint of the Transformers film.

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  9. You know, you could at least TRY to not be so obvious with ass kissing/trolling, michaelbaydetractorshavenooriginality.

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  10. I'm surprised there was no designated "black" turtle like in Transformers.

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    1. I got the impression they were all being treated as the "black one."

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  11. Any chance you could set that so it could be downloaded? Would rather read it on my Kindle...

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  12. Dude, remember how everyone blamed by for the bad script in Transformers? Well he didn't actually write it. All he did was make a hit film that touched a hell of a lot of people. Remember how Spielberg produced that film? And how Spielberg received none of the blame cause he was merely the producer?

    Well, here we have a situation where again, Bay is not writing the script(the obvious weak link in production) and he's not even directing. He's doing what Spielberg did....nothing but selling the picture. If your going to rant, at least place the blame where it's supposed to be.

    Secondly, it's funny you mention Battleship. If anything that affirms what happens when people try to make big dumb adaptations without bay's involvement.

    Lastly, surely you must see that if the audience had never heard of ninja turtles and the action and sfx were on point that this would be a hit film. Any idiot can see that.

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    1. You do realize that the producer is above the director and writer(s), right? They can choose to have little to no influence, or they can guide exactly how they want the movie to go, and hire a team to fill in the blanks. It's obvious that Bay did that latter. If not, then why is the script so similar to Transformers?

      I'm putting the blame where it belongs: the production. A production with Bay at its highest position. This property is in the wrong hands, and it's not just Bay.

      And as for your last comment: show me a large number of people who have never heard of the Ninja Turtles. Assuming there were people who never have, the movie would still be pandering to the lowest-common-denominator. Just because a film is a hit doesn't mean it's any good. I wanna see a good film, not a strictly formulaic one. And I believe I'm not the only one who shares that sentiment.

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    2. Hey dude great review of this piece of shit script I too,being turtles fan cannot believe that this is what they were doing with movie. And u mentioned above that the production of the movie has been cancelled I just want to say that the movie has not been cancelled just delayed until 2014 you can read about the delay on wikipedia I'll send you the link to the tmnt movie franchise page. Here it is: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Teenage_Mutant_Ninja_Turtles_(film_series)

      And I have a link to an interview from kevin eastman the co-creator of the turtles on why its being delayed: http://www.comicbookmovie.com/fansites/nailbiter111/news/?a=65327 Also one of the reasons for its delays is because the producers were unhappy with the script and its that u reviewed and it will get rewritten.

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    3. If your first point is true then why does Bay always get 100% of the blame for TF and not Spielberg? Considering the hierarchy you seem so eager to point out? Seems to me to be a simple matter of guided rage. Bay's name shows up and the matter becomes simple. I highly doubt(I can make blind assumptions also) that bay with all that he has on his plate and obvious lack of passion for this project, is working this show every step of the way, whilst Eastman, the two writers and the very passionate director are just sitting on their thumbs nodding. It's NOT bay's movie so people need to stop acting like it is. As for why it's similar to the structure of TF(according to you), well it's pretty bloody well obvious that that formula is a hit with young audiences, especially when directed well. I'm not saying I would do it, but I can easily understand it.

      As much as we may all "hate" the TF films there are just as many if not more people that love them(numbers don't lie). Funny enough Battleship's failure along with GIJoe's go along way to proving that it's not just a matter of ILM or 80's properties that make a hit movie. Perhaps bay is on to something. If bay makes a 4th TF movie it will bring in a huge audience and make a huge profit, as many things as that may mean, the last thing it means is that the movie "sucks."

      Lastly,I have to mention the fact that the goal here is a hit movie. A quality film by your standards means little when compared to a film that will be culturally accepted. It's a simple comparison of weather you open a candy store next to a school yard or a carrot store. Also just because you enjoyed the show as a child doesn't hold the producers(who have paid an arm and a leg for the property) liable to keeping you specifically happy. I know for a fact that my 7 year old brother(the original audience mind you) will no doubt love this new direction. Sucks but it's true. The funny thing is we asll say Bay will kill TMNT yet we simply ignore how brutal and embarrassing the previous two films were. Moreover the cgi TMNT was a very faithful adaptation, I unfortunately didn't see many of us fanboys showing up in droves, I wonder what we told the studio with that one.

      peace.

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    4. The Avengers movie renders your argument invalid

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    5. You said it yourself; Steven Spielberg sat on the sidelines. That's why he's not blamed for it.

      Just because people go to a movie doesn't mean they automatically like it.

      Nothing says a culturally excepted movie couldn't be a hit. Like Peter Vasquez mentioned, The Avengers proved that. And no, it wasn't a fluke.

      The fact that you bring up your 7 year old brother holds no weight in this argument, especially since I (and most people reading this) don't know you. And besides that, it's not just about changing the story; it's also about the shoddy script.

      Read the original TMNT comics; the target wasn't children until the cartoon was made. In fact, in the original TMNT movie from 1990, you can tell that while filming half of the movie, a general movie-going audience was in mind, and kids were placed second. Splinter's last speech at the end of the movie (or any of his speeches), you think a majority of the little kids back then got the weight of what he was talking about?

      You mention the TMNT CGI movie from 5 years ago. Not only did that movie make almost three-times its budget back, but it was #1 in its opening week. So, I guess we told the studio that a faithful TMNT adaptation makes money.

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    6. One more thing:

      "Also just because you enjoyed the show as a child doesn't hold the producers(who have paid an arm and a leg for the property) liable to keeping you specifically happy."

      Since we're their prospective customers, the first thing on their agenda should be making us happy, and now they know this. There's no other reasons to bank on nostalgia if you're not aiming for the people who get nostalgic in the first place.

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    7. "The funny thing is we asll say Bay will kill TMNT yet we simply ignore how brutal and embarrassing the previous two films were."

      Again, it's about the execution, not the story. That's what made the last two live-action movies bad. The story's just fine on its own; if it ain't broke, don't fix it.

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  13. The thing we must remember is that although Raphael was, indeed, cool at the same time he was, in fact, rude.

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  14. I think that script was greate can't wait to see a trailer just cause there aliens don't make it crap give it a chance

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    1. It's also the crappy script that makes it crap.

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  15. can you email me the script? every site I am finding has it removed (kind of like yours)...

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  16. If it's still possible, could you also email me the script? Thanks.

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  17. It'd be nice to also get that script shot my way....

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  18. http://uploadmirrors.com/download/0CSXCDUB/tmnt-script.pdf

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