The Script and Review Takedown: The Proof of Paramount's Embarrassment of the Terrible Reboot Concept

If you're on this website, odds are it's because of the script leak you heard about. Perhaps you read about it online and had to see if this was real. Indeed, it was here. Was. Paramount was very adamant at making sure it was taken down and the fire was put out, despite the fact that once something is on the Internet, it's out there. And once it's out there, you can't stop it, no matter how hard you try.

When I posted the script and my profane review of it, it got attention fairly quickly. In fact, I was overwhelmed by all the attention it got. I could have never guessed it would have gained this much steam; I thought maybe 10-20 would have read it at best. But in under a week, this site had gained 100,000+ visitors, and a handful of larger sites reporting on what was written on this little blog. It's not like the script wasn't being passed around; I would have assumed everyone had already read it. I guess I underestimated the situation, and it wasn't long before truly everyone had read it after visiting this site.

I say this because I received a cease and desist notice to take down the script within a couple of days of its posting. It had received enough attention for Paramount to stand up and take notice.  I complied, and I took down the script and removed it from its web space. After that, they requested that I take the review down. Now that, I initially refused to do (especially since it wasn't even part of the initial request). But once Blogger got involved and told me that they put the post as a "Draft" (allowing me to edit it and take the "infringing parts" out, etc.), I had to submit. When you look at it, people in droves have already read about it, and they will continue to read about it, so what does it matter if my review is taken down? Like I said, it's out there, and there's no stopping it.

Why did I initially refuse, you ask? Well, let's see:

First and foremost, I have my 1st Amendment right to say whatever I want, about whatever I want (look up "fair use"). There's no validity to what I wrote or the script I posted; for all anyone knows, it could have been a script I was writing as an elaborate hoax. In fact, their insistence that I remove the script gave the whole thing validity, and in that regard, they only have themselves to blame. This proves two things: that this was real (God help us), and that Paramount is embarrassed by this tossed-away first draft. And they should be, because if the script proved anything, it's that they've failed to hire actual "professionals". I gather it wouldn't be easy to secure funding for a script that contains the word “eyefuck” more than one time, especially a project meant for children.

Secondly, I started this blog for one reason and one reason only: to oppose the Michael Bay reboot of TMNT. And I will continue to do just that. I'm not gonna claim that he's raping my childhood; that's a ridiculous claim to make, and it insults those who've actually been victims of rape. However, Michael Bay time and time again is given the opportunity to take something people love(d), and make something great out of it, in every respect. Time and time again, he squanders this great opportunity, and decides to pander to the lowest common denominator. And I'm sick of it. As someone who looks at film very seriously (and looks at adaptations and remakes about as seriously), I find it insulting and down-right abusive in regards to his influence in Hollywood. And I, for one, am not going to take it anymore.

Just because a story revolves around an abstract concept doesn't mean you can't make a great film out of it. People will argue, “Well, he's doing what makes money.” No; what makes his money is special effects. In regards to the story, he's doing only what he knows how to do. He's not making a good movie; he's making SFX porn. He's not thinking outside the box; no one said a great TMNT movie (or even a great TF movie that actually revolved around the fucking robots) couldn't be made. It's just assumed that since what he did makes money, it's the only way money could be made (I think The Avengers proved that assumption wrong). And its assumptions like that that'll keep the same shitty movie getting made, and re-branded with the name of a pop icon.

And to those saying, "Bay's not the director of this reboot! It's not his movie!" I only have this to say: he's the producer and the project is being made by his production company. He's the guy that hires the director and the writers. Bay has more influence then you think, and it's apparent in the writing.

As far as I'm concerned, Bay has enough money. This mediocrity has to stop, and it's about time that Viacom got the message that they picked the wrong man (men, if you include the writers) for the job. Let Bay make a third Bad Boys movie or another The Rock. I'd support him more for his original efforts, but I will not support his "rebooting" efforts unless he actually comes out with something "good", "faithful" and "non-formulaic".


  1. when people first clamored against Michael Bay directing this film, he said to chill out and that no one read the script. well now many people have and their first assumptions were proven right all along.

  2. A-fucking-men brother. Extremely well said. I hope that Paramount sees this and gets the message.

  3. Not sure how many times this needs to be said, but Bay is not DIRECTING this movie. His company is PRODUCING this movie. Director - Producer = Nowhere NEAR the same thing.

    1. I'm going to quote something in the article above:

      "And to those saying, 'Bay's not the director! It's not his movie!' I only have this to say: he's the producer and the project is being made by his production company. He's the guy that hires the director and the writers. Bay has more influence then you think, and it's apparent in the writing."

      I quote this because it's obvious you didn't read it.

  4. I did read it. It just doesn't make sense, and it just adds up to simple hatred of Bay.

    By your logic, fans who hated the Transformers movies should be blaming Steven Spielberg for ruining their childhood instead of Bay right?

    And if the Man of Steel fails, people should be blaming Christopher Nolan, and not Zack Snyder.

    If Bay was directing this movie and it fails, he'd get all the blame, right?

    If ISN'T directing the movie and this movie fails, he'll STILL get all the blame, and the actual director won't get any.

    Explain that to me.

    1. Bay's name was the most prominent on the Transformers adaptations. If Spielberg gave any input, he seems to give a very minimal amount.

      If Man of Steel fails, people should be blaming both of them.

      If this movie did get made, Bay and the director would both be getting the blame, like they should be getting. However, Bay made it a point to make sure his name was the one synonymous with the TMNT reboot. And since he's the one that does all of the damage control as the director and writers stay relatively silent, then why shouldn't he be addressed by name?

    2. You don't seem to understand the level of influence that producers actually have over the final cut of the film, or its development. The director is a hired gun, brought on to handle performance and overall cohesion. Unless you're a hotshot, you don't get to make script changes, you do the best with what you get handed or refuse the job. The producer handles the financial side and organises production itself, and they actually get final say in everything in a studio system. This is why director's cuts exist. You ever wonder why the original Star Wars films were so much better than the new ones? Because Lucas was being told "no" by producers constantly. Then the new ones came around and everyone was hailing him as a genius and he was funding the the things himself essentially - there was nobody standing over him telling him that an alien rabbit man was freaking irritating. With Bay producing the Turtles, he will have complete control over how the production evolves, meaning he makes the call on the script, the actors, the SFX and supervises the whole ship. And he will sink it, because as has been established, he has no fucking idea what is good and what is childish lowest-common-denominator-bullshit.
      So, yeah.

    3. And to clarify: if "Man Of Steel" is shit it's on both the heads of Snyder and Nolan, because Nolan is supposed to be keeping Snyder grounded. Transformers was EXECUTIVE produced by Spielberg, which means he was significantly involved in finance/moneyflow only and very likely had nothing creatively to do with it besides investment in budget and a tidy return sum from the profits. Bay has too much money and influence, so regardless of whether he is director or producer his grubby fingerprints will be everywhere. Filmmaking is a collaborative process, there is rarely such a thing as a single person fucking something up by themself until you start getting into the kinds of money that Bay and Lucas and such are playing with because it gives them the luxury of being able to ignore people who might be able to make smarter decisions to make better films.

    4. I must correct you on Star Wars. The original trilogy, Lucas owned Star Wars right out of the gate. During production of the very first movie 20th Century Fox pulled funding as Lucas had gone over budget. 20th Century Fox also believed the movie would be an utter failure. So Lucas said he would fund the rest of the movie himself ONLY if 20th Century Fox gave him complete ownership of the franchise, and so they did. So no, Lucas NEVER had anybody over his shoulder telling him what he could or could not do with Star Wars, EVER.

      Also Lucas ONLY directed "A New Hope" of the original trilogy. He was simply the producer and story writer (not the script writer) of Empire and Return of the Jedi.

      A New Hope
      Director - Lucas
      Writer (script and story) - Lucas

      Empire Strikes Back
      Director - Irvin Kershner
      Script - Leigh Brackett, Lawrence Kasdan
      Story - Lucas

      Return of the Jedi
      Director - Richard Marquand
      Script - Lawrence Kasdan, Lucas
      Story - Lucas

      Notice that most people will say Empire is the best film of the whole Star Wars saga, even considering the new films. And yet Empire is the one that Lucas had the least to do with, as the only thing he contributed was a basic story an outline if you will. This has actually pissed Lucas off that people's favorite film is the one he had little to do with. Which is why he was adamant to direct,write, and produce all of the new films. Which is why they suck compared to Empire and Jedi. Lucas sucks at writing dialog.

      And I never heard anybody hailing Lucas as a genius because of the new films, NEVER. I have heard quite the opposite actually.

  5. Guys... the role of producer changes based on WHO the producer is. Steven Spielburg is notorious for having little to no input in the things he produces. But having his name attached gets things made. Just look at Terra Nova, for crying out loud. In the case of Michael Bay, he is a megalomaniac so he wants everyone working under him (whether it's actors, writers or DIRECTORS) to be people who will simply champion his ideas.

    So, the point isn't WHAT a producer is, but WHO. If you think Michael Bay can't be blamed because he's not directing a shitty film, then you simply don't know what you're talking about. Sadly, because of the "success" of the Transformers franchise, Michael Bay essentially has license to do whatever the F he wants and it needs to stop.

    It's not the fact that he makes crap movies. It's that he takes things and stories people love and messes with them until they're not even recognizable as the original story or character.

    So, stop defending Michael Bay. This argument is silly. If you need anymore proof of crap movies Michael Bay has produced, look at Friday the 13th or Nightmare on Elm Street. Remember how everyone loved those? Yeah, me either.

    1. The problem here is that you are making assumptions and presenting them like some sort of fact. That usually flys when it's about bay and on the internet. "listen guys, bay is a megalomaniac" and everyone cheers. You haven't proven anything. Objectively speaking Spielberg was in the exact same position as bay was yet if anything berg was subjectively blamed for all the good in TF. Everyone makes assumptions based on what they want and then they bitch about them.

    2. @ Marvin: Michael Bay just lied about his involvement with this script, saying it was written long before his involvement, when he would have already been involved for almost two years.

      Are you going to defend that, too?

  6. Has anyone seen Wrath of the Titans? That's my argument to the people who say Bay is not directing. You have a crappy producer who hired an even worse director. This movie will be garbage!

  7. Look, I am a die hard turtles fan. I know every word of the original movie, and I want a great movie just like the rest of you. I thought the script was (mostly) a piece of sh!t when I read it too.

    I'm not hear to blindly defend Bay. I like some of his movies, some I don't. I just don't think he's a talentless hack that's on a mission to destroy old properties. I did not like the Elm Street or F13 Remake, but I did enjoy the Texas Chainsaw Massacre.

    My entire point was that it's the cool thing to do to just automatically hate Michael Bay and everything he does. It's also a fact that there are STILL people out there that think he's directing this movie just based on how other sites report it.

    And I'm sure the Bay hate will continue, even though he nor his company had nothing to do with this script. For some reason I don't think this little bit of news will be reported as much as the script leak was.

    1. Actually, Bay just confirmed it was the real deal. Then, he lied about his involvement.

      I wouldn't say it's cool to hate on Michael Bay; I'd say it's natural. The fact that TF even made the money it did is surprising (outside of the SFX, of course).

  8. I am shocked and amazed that there would be trolls on here defending Bay and this soon-to-be abortion of a movie. Before all the details came out about what a crap-fest this flick was gonna be, I thought, well at least they are going to be in another movie, now I'm fully resigned to the fact that I'd rather there be NO movie, than this piece of crap. To the writer of this site, I say keep fighting the good fight.

  9. Dear The Writer,

    I love you so much right now it's unreal. Please keep this up. I'm sorry that Paramount sent you a cease and desist to cover their tracks on the script (I read it, by the way, and I never wanted to again,) but at the same time, I'm not. That confirmed my fears about what kind of tone the film was going to take, and it's a damn shame...

    The stupidly optimistic side of me was hoping for a return to the gritty origins of the comic; a complete recall of the friendly, comedic turtles the cartoons gave birth to. I have since murdered that side of me so such a blunder is never played by my hand again... I want to see the turtles back, like everyone, but not like this.

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