Rise of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: What We Know So Far

It's been a verylong time since we've written anything in here, mostly because there has been nothing of interest to really talk about. The Michael Bay movies came and went (while acknowledging that the turtles being aliens was a very stupid idea, I like to think the initial leak had something to do with it), they weren't really anything to write home about, and I really saw no reason to give a review to either (CASEY JONES IS A COP, SERIOUSLY!?!).

But now, we have a new iteration of the Ninja Turtles coming out: Rise of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. And, wow... it does not look good.

There's been a lot of heavy criticism coming out based on the information that has been provided. The criticism rages from Raphael being the leader, Donatello being the “cool turtle”, April being a black teenager, and their overall design.

First off, let's look at their overall design; it does not look good.

Just... that art style...

Just coming from a visual perspective, it already looks way too different. And are they in the future? Also notice, Raphael and Mikey both have different weapons. Was this move to make the property a little less violent, seeing as how it's on Nickelodeon?

Then we have the Raphael and Donatello role changes. Now... it would make sense at some point in time, Raphael would take a leadership role, even just temporarily. Raphael has the general attitude and mannerisms of someone who would become a leader, and a true leader knows when to lead and when to follow, which would fit Donatello's character. However, Donatello as the “cool” turtle? Where does that leave Mikey, seeing as how that was his main character attribute?

Then we have probably the most controversial of the changes: April O'Neil being changed into a black teenager.

Let's get this out of the way right now: It's always a pandering, useless gesture when franchises change the race of a character. It's never to enhance the story or give them another perspective; no, it's always done in the name of “progress” so they can win those brownie points from HuffPost readers. It usually never yields positive results.

However, changing April to a black person isn't really that much of a stretch, since April, in the beginning, was a black woman.

She was either a black woman with a white father, or a Latina with a white father.

Now, of course, Nickelodeon probably didn't know this at the time, so this pandering change could be completely coincidental, but by changing her to a black person, they're really not changing her character since at one point in time, she was (especially since it was in her first appearance). The real gripe I have, personally, is that she's a teenager. What, exactly, will be her role in the dynamic? Are they just making her a teenager just so she happens to be their age? April was their lifeline to the world above; I can't really see what a teenager could do to help them in their exploits. She's not a news reporter, she's not a lab assistant, she's not... whatever she was in the CG TMNT movie; she's not even an adult with a place where the turtles can lay low when shit goes down. She's just a kid (that doesn't know martial arts).

These changes are stupid, but I am happy that they didn't go with one direction that some were urging Nickelodeon to go: Making the turtles vegan. PETA wrote a letter explaining why the turtles should be vegan, claiming that more and more people are becoming vegan and pizza joints in NYC are adding vegan options to follow suit. Only thing is, the number of vegans/vegetarians in the country is debatable: Some say it's 8%, some say it's 6% and some say it's less than 1%. That's not a lot. Not to mention, a high concentration, of course, would most likely be in New York, with popular pizza joints adding a vegan choice after being scolded for not having a vegan choice, and folding so that they don't get further bad Yelp reviews. Cities like New York and Chicago are generally considered big pizza cities, and the turtles are considered pizza lovers. And I personally think mutated turtles that spend most of their time living in the sewer would likely care very little about political topics like the Animal Agriculture industry. Why change what's already been established to placate a very small minority that more than likely won't even watch your show in the first place?  I'm glad that at least Nickelodeon (probably) saw that.

Not to mention, have you ever actually tried vegan pizza? Spoiler alert: You're still hungry after.

However, there's one silver lining in this: There will be a villain voiced by John Cena. So, there's at least one good thing going on from what's been announced.

Bottom line: Will the series be good or bad? It's too early to tell. But from what we got so far, it doesn't look good. It seems like they're trying to market to a small, young, left-leaning audience that might not even have cable (let alone, watch Nickelodeon), with a nostalgic property that they've more than likely never heard of (or really even cared about in the first place). So really, the show is targeted to nobody. I don't know why they just didn't continue the show they had going on before; it really wasn't all that bad. It wasn't great, but it wasn't terrible.

If you haven't already, Like our Facebook to keep up to date (now that this show has come about, I got stuff to write about again). Also, since the whole “turtles as aliens” angle has pretty much been squashed, the blog is probably due for a new nickname. Give your thoughts on what that should be.

Also, make sure to check out the initial leak of the original Teenage Alien Turtles script that we did way back when that caused all that trouble, and get ready to cringe.

The Trailer Is Here

Production for the latest Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle movie (officially renamed TEENAGE MUTANT NINJA TURTLES, by the way) has officially been under way for some time. And while it's supposed to be a vast improvement over the original script that somehow made its way to the Internet a couple years ago, it has still proven itself to be full of all sorts of fail, like casting Megan Fox as April and the banker with a shotgun in The Dark Knight as Schrad... er, white Shredder.

But, after a little more than a year since the announcement that production is under way, we finally have our first look at the movie. And...

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Wait for it...

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It doesn't look that bad...

From the first look, we can already see it has it's set of problems: subtlety has pretty much gone out the window, cookie-cutter Transformers-style chaos fills almost the entire scene, unnecessary lens flares, unnecessary origin change (anytime I think about combating crime, I know my first thought is purposely exposing reptiles to toxic waste), the fact that Megan Fox is April and so much more.

But the turtles themselves seem pretty intact. Their personalities are there (at least, Mikey's is) and they look pretty damn good. I really like the look of the "raggy" headbands; after all, they are sewer mutants, so it wouldn't be out of the realm of possibility that their headbands would be made of torn-up recycled tshirts.

Of course, ignorant media outlets with no real insight into the franchise have to chime in. The Hollywood Reporter referred to the trailer as "what we'd expect from a regular superhero movie", and went onto say this might actually be a "good turtles movie", insinuating that one has never existed.

First off, we already have a "good turtles movie"; it was made in 1990 and it's still amazing even today. Secondly, the turtles were never "regular" superheroes in the first place, but by trying to portray them as such, most of the magic that made the turtles unique in the first place is taken away. Remember in TMNT '90 when April was about to be attacked by The Foot in the subway? It wasn't the first reveal of the turtles in the movie, but it helped play a big part of their build-up in the trailer. Remember how you felt when you saw Raphael slowly pick up the sai off the ground? It was like, "Oh shit, that's Raf! It's about to go down!" There didn't need to be mass panic and shit flying everywhere to convey the build-up. But now, that's what's there; violent flashes blasting the screen with Megan Fox's stupid face filling the frame as she tries to poorly convey an amazed and curious expression in the loudest way possible. Like I said: subtlety is out the window, and it's a damn shame.

Then again, it is being produced by Michael Bay (and producer is higher than director, in case you wanna argue that point).

Anyway, it was only about a minute and a half, and while we still have to wait (and pray) to see if things get better, that small clip still spoke volumes. While working on the awesome designs, they should have at least tried working on a closer-to-property story.

And if they still turn out to be aliens, so help me God...

What did you guys think? Did it look at all promising, or have you already tapped out and given up hope?

Michael Bay: King of the Trolls

Earlier today, Michael Bay released a very small and vague statement:

TMNT: We Are Bringing Megan Fox Back Into The Family

Michael Bay

At that moment, the Interwebz blew up with, "OH EM GEE!!! MICHAEL BAY CASTEDED MEGAN FOX AS APRIL!!!" And even Variety elaborated with an uncited and incredibly shaky story revolving around the post.

First off, this is even assuming that the production was put back online. The production closed; the only thing that has said otherwise was a small, uncited tweet saying when filming was going to start. Mortal Kombat fans will remember that this kind of thing used to happen all the time, and nothing that they described ever happened (thank God, because Threshold sucks).

But, for the sake of argument, let's say it did go back on schedule. Who's to say that he actually casted Megan Fox? Maybe he's trying to cast her, and is incredibly confident that he'll be able to get it done. And if he did cast her, what says she's gonna be April? Because she's the female lead? Since when is Michael Bay not above creating new characters that don't belong in the property? He could have made Shredder into a female; who's to say when it comes to Michael Bay?

People are reading way too much into this, and a part of me feels like that was Bay's intention. We all know Bay isn't above lying, like when he claimed he wasn't involved in a certain script that got leaked, when all evidence suggested otherwise. This has caused me to name Bay as King of the Trolls. Not just because of his online talking habits, but also because of his career. He pulls one over on the general public, gets paid for it, and laughs his way to his next trolling opportunity.

What's sadder is that people are buying this nonsense. You post something on a website with no proof whatsoever, and people believe it without question. I guess all I'm trying to say is, I am Michael Bay, and you've all been falling for this beautifully. Honestly, where do you think I got the leaked script from? I actually almost got in trouble for that, just so you know. Thank you for giving me all the ideas I need to actually make a better TMNT story (can you say "robot augmentations"?) and ammo for any of your ridiculous criticisms when it comes out. And for the last time, WAIT FOR THE MOVIE! Trust me, you'll love it!

Michael

Breaking News: TANT Filming Rumor

Well, that lasted long.

According to a tweet from Production Weekly, principal photography for TANT will start in April (the month is currently unknown).

While we are hesitant to believe it, we are still not ruling out the possibility.

We will cover any new developments.

Michael Bay's Comment On The Leak

Michael Bay actually took time out of his day from being an unimaginative hack to comment on the leak:

The leaked script for Ninja Turtles that different sites continue to comment on was written well before I, or anyone at Platinum Dunes, was involved with the project.

That script saw the shredder a long time ago.

This is tired, old news -- Wait for the movie!

Michael

First off, this is even more confirmation that the script is the real deal.

Secondly, Michael Bay and Platinum Dunes were announced to produce the reboot in May 2010; the script was dated in January 2012. So, either the date was wrong, or Michael Bay is a liar. I'll go with the second theory.

Third, if they don't plan on working off of this draft, it still means that the same two guys who wrote the script are still working on the film. How is this progress?

"Wait for the movie!" No, Michael. We don't want to wait for the movie. Because by then, it'll have been too late.

Latino Review's "Exclusive" Review of the TANT Script

Today, Latino Review posted an "exclusive" review of the scrapped TANT script (the parenthesis is because the story isn't all that exclusive), and made a video summarizing the story.

The Script and Review Takedown: The Proof of Paramount's Embarrassment of the Terrible Reboot Concept

If you're on this website, odds are it's because of the script leak you heard about. Perhaps you read about it online and had to see if this was real. Indeed, it was here. Was. Paramount was very adamant at making sure it was taken down and the fire was put out, despite the fact that once something is on the Internet, it's out there. And once it's out there, you can't stop it, no matter how hard you try.

Cease and Desist

Earlier today, I received an email from a law firm that represents Paramount Studios. It demanded that I cease and desist from hosting the screenplay on this blog. Here's the notice in full.

To whom it may concern:

This letter is being written to you on behalf of Paramount Pictures Corporation (“Paramount”). Paramount is the owner of copyright and other intellectual property rights in and to the unreleased “Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles” motion picture (hereinafter referred to as "TMNT"). No one is authorized to copy, reproduce, distribute, or otherwise use “TMNT” without the express written permission of Paramount.

Notwithstanding this, Paramount has learned that you are reproducing excerpts of the unreleased TMNT screenplay at the URL located at http://tmntnottant.blogspot.com/2012/08/the-tant-script-reviewed.html#more; and are distributing the screenplay as a .PDF file located at https://docs.google.com/file/d/0B22ZbuTtrOA3aDdpWFhUNGRacWs/view?pli=1&sle=true.

Paramount hereby demands that you immediately cease all distribution of the TMNT screenplay and remove the TMNT screenplay from this website and any other website where you may have reproduced and/or distributed it. Please further remove or disable the link to the .PDF file referenced above.

We further demand that you immediately provide us with written confirmation that you have complied with Paramount’s demands.

Please contact me at [withheld] to discuss the source from which you obtained the screenplay and the scope of your distribution.

This letter is not a complete statement of Paramount’s rights in connection with this matter, and nothing contained herein constitutes an express or implied waiver of any rights, remedies, or defenses of Paramount in connection with this matter, all of which are expressly reserved.



Very truly yours,
/s/
Dennis L. Wilson
Keats McFarland & Wilson LLP

As such, I have decided to comply and take down the script.

For those of you who have read it, this should be further confirmation that what you read is the real thing. And now, Paramount is obviously starting to take notice.

Peter Laird Comments On The Leaked TANT Script

Someone posted a comment on Peter Laird's blog, and linked him to the TANT script that I posted a couple of days ago. This is what he had to say about it:

Someone else alerted me to the existence of this script, and I just a few minutes ago finished reading it. If it is, in fact, the actual draft that was rejected and caused the production of the next TMNT movie to be pushed back to 2014 because the script was unsatisfactory, then I think all true TMNT fans should be grateful to the new "powers that be" that they did not allow this wretched thing to go any further. It could definitely be taken as a good sign if that is the case.

It reminds me of one of the reasons I am glad to not own the property anymore... because I don't have to tear what little hair I have left out while trying to fix junk like this. -- PL

I think I speak for everyone when I say that if the production stays closed (and is later picked up by a production firm not lead by Michael Bay) then we will be very grateful. Because that script wasn't at all satisfactory.

To read the script for yourself, just click here for my review of it.

The TANT Script: Reviewed [Taken Down]

I know what you're thinking: "Hey, isn't there supposed to be a review of the leaked Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles reboot script on this blog?"

You'd be right. However, because of certain "legal" reasons, the script and the review are no longer here. You missed out. And if you didn't miss out, and you're just coming back because you're a glutton for punishment, then I feel sorry for you.

If you want details on the how, the what and the why, read all about it here. It's a tale of embarrassment, legality, and pissedoffedness about mediocrity.

VICTORY!

It's been a long time since this blog has had any activity. Mostly because this blog was a knee-jerk reaction by a couple TMNT fans who were confused and infuriated by Michael Bay's insistence that the Ninja Turtles were aliens. It didn't help when people behind the film insist that since the turtles are products of aliens, it could mean that they are an alien species (a concept that was greatly discussed on this blog). Then, it was revealed that the official name of the project was changed to "Ninja Turtles", and more and more people were getting behind the idea. It seemed like all hope was lost, until...

Paramount shut down production of the latest reboot!

Passion

If you pay attention to people defending Bay's words, and saying that TMNT should be aliens, you'll probably see a quote like this:

"All of you fanboys aren't seeing the big picture: maybe Bay changed the back stories because he has no real passion for the original and wanted to make it his own so it could be the best it could be!"

"You Should Be Happy..."

As a defense against the public outcry of Bay's comment, some people on the Internet have been going on a public outcry of their own. We last covered some people's misconceptions of those against T.A.N.T. as cry-baby fanboys, ignorant to the hypocrisy while looking down at us just because we actually enjoy something.

"Fanboy" Accusations

I can totally understand on the surface what this whole outburst says: it's just fanboys being fanboys. However, if you've been paying close attention, the outcry hasn't been minimal. Almost anyone who was a fan of and still remembers the turtles has been very vocal about this. Even Kevin Tancharoen, the director of the recent Mortal Kombat shorts that have largely rewritten the mythos, has expressed his opposition at this.

T.C.R.I.?

If you've never read the comics, huge spoilers are about to come up. If you read the comics, you'd know that the turtles were mutated by ooze that was formulated by aliens under the guise of a research laboratory. That can raise questions concerning what Michael Bay said, and what that makes the turtles.

What Past TMNT Actors Think

According to various sources on the Internet, but summarized in Comic Book Resources, three past TMNT actors have opinions on this matter: two for, and one against.

The people who played April O'Neill and Leonardo think it's a good idea; the actor who played Michelangelo does not, and had very vulgar choice words on the subject.

However, one issue comes up when looking at these numbers: Judith Hoag (April) has been in Michael Bay's films. She's assumed to be in his employ. She admits this, but that doesn't excuse her obvious bias for professional reasons.

The way I see it, it's one to one. I think other TMNT fans would agree.

What Peter Laird Thinks; Marketing Ploy?

Peter Laird, the co-creator of the TMNT franchise, recently blogged about his opinion of the matter. He sarcastically talks about how this is a "genius" notion.

It's possible that with enough truly creative brainpower applied to this idea, it might actually work. I'm not saying it's probable, or even somewhat likely… but it IS possible.

The Arrogance

There are people that disagree, and think that this is blown way out of proportion. And most of them have been shown to:

1. Not know of TMNT, or really cared about them as children.
2. Belong to Bay's personal forum, or are under his employ.

Michael Bay...

Michael Bay talks Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles by stuffwelike
The video that started a dramatic Internet shit-storm now referred to as, "Turtle-gate". A shit-storm so big, The Chicago Tribune and CNN have written about it. Everyone on the Internet (including myself) has protested, with a small pocket of supporters left (almost all of them found on Bay's own forum).

It's no doubt that Michael Bay isn't the best director ever. He's not even tied for 27th. But still, leaving the fundamentals of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles alone might have yielded him a small amount of brownie points. However, with this one line; with this small utterance that's meant to give you a glimpse of his plans, he's shown that he plans to change almost everything about TMNT. To the point where they're unrecognizable, and possibly a totally different property all together.